I'm working on it...

Yes, I have big plans on sitting down and starting the next chapter tonight. I swear. :-)

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This morning, on a whim I cracked open some of my first attempts at writing a book. Ack! Gag!

I was nineteen years old when I dicided that I wanted to write a book. That was five years ago. Let me tell you about that book.

It was funny. It was romantic. It was sad. It was much better than everything else on the bookshelves. It was allegorical of humanity's relationship with Christ, I.E. Deep.It was a heartbreaking-work-of-staggering-genius.

It was terrible.

I can't believe how transparent all my failings are. It's so painfully obvious when I'm trying to be funny. My grammer is atrocious. I address the reader in almost every paragraph like I'm Santa Claus ("And remember, dear children, love is the highest virtue... Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!"). And - because I was trying to be allegorical - the plot makes little sense.

I think I've learned a few lessons since then. Here's some that jump out at me:

1. No allegories! Best lesson of all. It's paralysing to be allegorical. Say I'm writing a character that represents God: God can't, you know, do anything wrong or make any mistakes, right? So I guess this character can't ethier... Oh and I guess he should be omniscient too. What about omnipresent? No allegories! If my story happens to have deeper meaning great! If not, great!


2. The correct way to use commas, semi-colons, colons, and dashes. I'm no grammar expert now, but I'm better. Thank you, Elements of Style!


3. Show, don't tell. Instead of waxing on about how wonderful my characters are, maybe I should just let the reader decide that for themselves.


4. Don't write about things you don't know anything about. The center of my first story is a father, daughter relationship. Reading it now, my story is pretty much how a nineteen-year-old with a pregnant wife would envision parenthood. Everything is sweet enough to make you gag. Lots of "daughter running to greet her father after work, father scooping daughter up in his arms, they frolic through meadows" stuff. Now that I've actually had three kids I have a better idea of how the whole thing works. It's embarrassing how off I was.


5. Everyone doesn't have to be good-looking. I described all my characters like movie stars. The guys were ruggedly handsome. The little girls were cute. The ladies were hot. When I was nineteen I was shallow concerning physical appearance. I'm still shallow but I think I'm more balanced with the whole outward-beauty thing. (Penelope has a slight issue with her weight, btw.)

Those are just a few lessons but it's nice to sit back and reflect on the ground I've covered in five years. I'm sure in another five years, I'll read the stuff I'm writing now and cringe but at least it won't be as bad as when I started.