Critique musings

I submitted my first chapter to the OWW recently. It's gotten three reviews so far. They're in the moderate to lukewarm range. I've got some good pointers though. Most of the weak areas I'm already aware of but I still need the reminders.

The latest review kind of threw me for a curve. It pegged me as writing a High Fantasy, which I've never wanted to write. My book is set in the future after a nuclear war. But I guess it gives the impression that it's a high fantasy. This doesn't bode well.

It used to really crush me when people picked apart my writing. Honestly, I still don't like it but it doesn't bring me down. The problem with critique groups is that the quality of the advice is decidedly mixed. Most everyone is relating second-hand advice that they've read from actual authors who may or may not be good authors themselves. I remember that I used to always point out point-of-view inconsistencies when critiquing, just because I'd read on some internet article that they were bad. I still think they're bad but good authors are always shifting point-of-views. Just an example.

There's also some great writers lurking around the boards too who have helped me immensely with their advice. Like I said, it's a mixed bag.

Anyway...

I liked this from tonight's writing:

Penelope suddenly felt tired and dull. She hadn’t understood much of what the pale man had said - or had she? Was the mass grave in New Camelot nothing more than the result of a whimsical decision by some unknown personality in the wastes? On the road to Silverwater she had assumed that if she ever met the pale man he would give her reasons that satisfied as much as they hurt. But now she suspected that the reason would never satisfy. She wanted to lay down in the grass and never move again.

It's monday and how do you like your humble pie?

I play in a softball league every Monday. Tonight I struck out. It's a sickening feeling, swinging that bat and hitting nothing but air. Yeach.

Speaking of humble pie, I've noticed that one thing common to my characters is that they're all flawed. Lilith is an out-of-practice witch, grumpy, and bad with directions. Penelope is self-centered and not quite a knockout in the looks department.

They've all got good qualities too but I like that they're flawed. I've been reading a book where there's one character that is just perfect. She's clearly the author's ideal person in every respect. And you know what? I really don't like her. For me to love a character I need to be with them when they blow it, when they're tired and grumpy. Then I'll be excited when they finally get things right. I understand that some characters must be more noble than others but at least make them dress funky or have an ugly mole, or something. Throw me a frickin' bone here!

Something that I wrote, that I liked:

“Magic’s nice, you know,” he said, his voice soft. “I could’ve brought an army to New Camelot. I could’ve made the streets run with the blood of every man, woman and child - all that gory stuff. But magic-” He snapped his fingers and suddenly a red rose appeared in his palm. Penelope had never seen a color so exquisite, every velvety petal seemed to be a jewel; but it was already fading; indeed now it was quite wilted. She watched as the rose crumbled to fine dust in seconds. With a puff he blew the dust from his palm into the wind. “Magic is so elegant. So clean. I spoke and everyone in New Camelot slept. No blood, no screaming, no pain. You should thank me for that!”

One reason I'm smiling

Only kids raised in the 90s will get this. I'm grinning ear-to-ear right now, listening to the first new Smashing Pumpkins song in over seven years. It seriously rocks.

It's interesting to think back to where I was when I bought my last Pumpkins album. I remember the exact place and time. I was sixteen years old, driving down to San Francisco for the first time ever with my own driver's license. (If anyone has ever driven in San Francisco, you'll know why I was nervous.) My dad was riding with me. On the way down we stopped in Sacramento at Dimple Records and I bought Machina/The Machines of God by The Smashing Pumpkins. I listened to it the rest of the way down to the bay, but not too loud, cause I didn't want to bug my Dad. I've lightened up a little since then.

I was driving down to San Franscisco to check out a multimedia trade school that I wanted to attend. (Back in the day, you didn't say "Web Design", you said "Multimedia".) The reason I had to attend this school was because I was planning to marry my girlfriend and I knew that a wife would lead to kids, kids would lead to bills, and bills would lead to more bills - therefore I needed a hot job. One that didn't require a four-year degree (did I mention that I really wanted to get married?). With The Smashing Pumpkins on the stero, driving over the bay bridge, a man in control of my own destinty, a bro going places, I felt pretty cool.

Two months before I was going to move down to SF and officially enroll, the school closed down. The move to SF never happened. I know more about myself know and I'm very glad that it all fell apart. I think it would've really freaked me out living in a big city. I have an extremely low tolerence for city noise and concrete.

Seven years later.


Me and the love of my life.


My boy. The oldest of the litter.


My little girl, AKA: hot competition for the love my life.


The newest and best-behaved Nunnink.

So I did marry my girlfriend. And marriage has led to kids. I can't claim wild success. As a matter of fact, I've learned how unimpressive I am as a person. But I've also learned quite a bit about life, love, Jesus, and all that important stuff. And now the Smashing Pumpkins just put out another song. A lot has happened in these seven years.

Back in the saddle

Last week was amazingly unproductive writing-wise. Just yesterday I fired up the ol' laptop and started writing for the first time in over seven days. The worst part is that I have no good excuse except that I was tired and distracted.

But I'm back now. I can only leave these characters for so long.

Prayer for today

Here's a puritan prayer that I found. It's quite beautiful to a person with myriad heart corruptions like me.

Heart Corruptions
O God, may Thy Spirit speak in me that I may speak to thee. I have no merit, let the merit of Jesus stand for me. I am undeserving, but I look to Thy tender mercy. I am full of infirmities, wants, sin; Thou art full of grace.

I confess my sin, my frequent sin, my wilful sin; all my powers of body and soul are defiled: a fountain of pollution is deep within my nature. There are chambers of foul images within my being; I have gone from one odious room to another, walked in a no-man's-land of dangerous imaginations, pried into the secrets of my fallen nature.

I am utterly ashamed that I am what I am in myself; I have no green shoot in me nor fruit, but thorns and thistles; I am a fading leaf that the wind drives away; I live bare and barren as a winter tree, unprofitable, fit to be hewn down and burnt. Lord, dost Thou have mercy on me?

Thou hast struck a heavy blow at my pride, at the false god of self, and I lie in pieces before Thee. But Thou hast given me another master and lord, Thy Son, Jesus, and now my heart is turned towards holiness, my life speeds as an arrow from a bow towards complete obedience to Thee. Help me in all my doings to put down sin and to humble pride. Save me from the love of the world and the pride of life, from everything that is natural to fallen man, and let Christ's nature be seen in me day by day. Grant me grace to bear Thy will without repining, and delight to be not only chiselled, squared, or fashioned, but separated from the old rock where I have been embedded so long, and lifted from the quarry to the upper air, where I may be built in Christ for ever.

Encouraging story...

About three or four years ago I swapped OWW crits with a very nice writer named Sandra McDonald. I don't even remember what work I'd submitted to be critted but I do remember that she had some very insightful criticism. I also remember that her work had a great feel to it and that her dialogue was extremely witty. I still remember a few lines from the peice I read.

Flash forward to this week, I was browsing the OWW Hall of Fame and I noticed a line annoucing that Sandra McDonald's first novel, The Outback Stars was being released by Tor this week. Wow!

Sure enough:



It's a great cover too.

To see a person who's persisted for many years finally break the publishing barrier - well... I find that extremely encouraging.

Congratulations, Sandra! I'll be looking for The Outback Stars the next time I'm in Borders.

I'm reading a girly book

Want to see the cover of the book I'm reading right now? You sure?

Okay...



Just leave me in my shame...

Oh, and have a great weekend!

Write what you know - it's a good idea

I recently cracked open my first attempts at writing a book. Of course, they were horrible - but one thing stands out above the poor writing: they were wrong. Specifically about being a parent.

My first story focused on a father-daughter relationship. Ohhh boy! What a romanticised view I used to have. Flash forward five years: I recently observed to my wife, "Our house has been captured by insane, violent midgets. How did we let this happen?" And somehow it's mysteriously wonderful. Emphasis on mysteriously. But it's very different than my writing anticipated. Any real parent who read my book would've had to visit the opthamologist from all the eye rolling.

Now my story is again drifting towards parent-child relationships. This time, I know a little bit more about the subject. The romance is gone, my friend but I think this story is much truer than my first.

Bottom line, write what you know.

Another example: I recently wrote a scene where the character freaked out! Yeah! Everyone loves a freak out! One problem... I've never freaked out! Yeah! *Ahem*

It's true. A couple of years ago I was crumbling under the stress of my job, I'd lay awake late into the night, fearing death, disease, aging, etc. I was in the midst of a spiritual crisis. I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I was one burned-out cookie. Worst year of my life. And you know what? No one knew. Not even my wife. How could I hide something like this over the period of almost a year? I never freaked out. There's always been something in my mind that prevents me from running around, shouting and tearing things apart like Jimmy Stewart in It's a Wonderful Life. ("You keep playing that song, over and over - now STOP IT!")

So my freakout scene was wrong. Just wrong. I was guessing at how someone gets to that point but I really don't know. I don't know the mental steps from calm to screaming. (And for one, I hope I don't find out.) I know how to be grumpy, snippy, annoyed, annoying, tootie-fruity but not screamy.

So I rewrote the scene. It's emotional but - you know - people don't loose it.

Bottom line, write what you know.

Being self-employed is great...

...except some days are a little crazy. For example, on Saturday I started working on a job that I only had budgeted one day to complete. I started work at 6:00 AM. I finished at 1:00 AM Sunday morning. And people wonder why I'm such a coffee addict.

I'm not complaining. I'm just offering an excuse why I haven't updated my blog much this week.

Despite the wacky working hours, I'm on page 60 of my rewrite of Part One. It's going faster than anything I've ever written before.

Reason to write # 1: It's worth doing

I've been thinking lately, why do I write? In reply, there's really no single reason. But here's one:

It's worth doing

I run my own web programming business full-time. I haven't gone bankrupt yet so I guess I'm moderately successful. I've been blessed to do work that I actually enjoy. Believe it or not, writing computer programs is actually a very enjoyable, creative process at times. But no matter how cool the program, no matter how successful - it will never make a person cry (unless it's out of frustration. See Microsoft Windows.), it won't make them brave when they're scared, it won't make them feel romantic, it won't lead them to praise God. Programs themselves are all about dollars and cents, nothing more. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying or trying to market a product of their own.

Writing on the other hand - although the publishing business is all about money - is something entirely different. When I was in the midst of a spiritual crisis, Puddleglum from The Silver Chair gave me reason to believe. I'm continually warned by Iago from Othello about the dangers of jealousy. G.K. Chesterton makes me want to jump around with joy whenever I read his books whereas Stephen King left me depressed for quite some time. Even though my world-traveling has been extremely limited, I've seen England and Wales through Susan Cooper's eyes. Closer to home, I've spent years laughing at the quirks of midwesterners with Garrison Kellior. I'm vitally connected to Jews, Romans and God through The Bible.

I think writing is something worth mastering because it effects people. Personally, I'd like to help kids be brave. If I ever do that with one of my stories, I'll consider myself a successful writer.

Worst writing night ever

Last night I had what may have been my worst writing night ever. I stared at one paragraph for almost an hour, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say. It was like digging through dry sand. I ended up going to bed without success.

I attacked the paragraph again tonight with better results. It still feels awkward to me. But at least I got through it.

I present it now, not because I'm particularly proud of it (I suspect that it fairly stinks). But the following few paragraphs did have me licked last night. I'm glad to have them behind me. Sometimes writing is like hacking through a jungle with a machete.

***

Penelope listened to their conversation. There was a familiarity between those two. She guessed that they had known each other for many years. Watching them, she felt very alone, like peering through a window from the outside.

“She’s crying,” Fin said abruptly under his breath and nodded towards Penelope. Indeed she was.

Lilith quickly moved to her and placed one firm hand on her shoulder. “All will be well, Penelope,” she whispered. “You must believe me. All will be well in the end.”

“I’m fine,” Penelope sniffed, wiping her cheeks. “I just thought of a joke.”

In fact she had thought of a joke. But it was a joke that only a few of her friends in Luna Castle had known, and it was the sort that could not be retold without losing its humor. That was what had started her crying. All the jokes, secrets, wordless knowledge shared between long friends and family had been taken from her. Everyone who needed just to glance at her face to understand that she was happy or sad was dead. She was among strangers – kind strangers, but strangers nonetheless. Now she wanted to go home. Oh how she wanted to go home.

Novel Progress

Pages re-written: 5 today 42 total

Inspirations: C.S. Lewis, Emily Bronte, T.S. Elliot, Stephen King.

Penelope swallowed and grimaced. “The problem is your meatsoak. You should dice some rawherb, with a bit of honey, and – if they’re ripe on the trees – squeeze some lemons, and use half the salt. That’s a savory venison meatsoak.”

For a moment Lilith’s face lost all its grandness and stark beauty and she looked like a shy young girl. Penelope realized that she’d somehow hurt her feelings.


Last week, I mysteriously burst a blood vessel in my left eye. It doesn't hurt but the blood has slowly spread until now one half of my eye is completely red. I'm kind of enjoying this looking-like-a-freak. I gives me a sense of menace that I've been lacking. I'll be sad when it clears up.

To all fantasy-buffs (and if you're reading this blog, you probably are) I order you to watch MirrorMask. It is one of the best movies I've watched in a long time. Squeaky-clean and written by the amazing Neil Gaimen.

I have been writing lately...

...just not keeping track of my progress. *Hangs head in shame* I've just been so busy. Today's update has more general notes:

1) In this rewrite Penelope suddenly became spoiled. Not to a Veruca Salt level but she's wallowing in self-pity and thinks Fin smells bad. I'm glad this trait developed. It'll be a nice character arc for her.

2) After killing off the entire population of one city, I decided to do serious harm to another. My poor characters.

3) It's strange reading how I originally intended my characters to interact. They've all done a complete about face.

I went on a book shopping-spree yesterday. I got some pretty slick books that I can't wait to read. I got:



Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
I think I'll finish this in about twenty years. This book is thicker than my waist.


Under the Greenwood Tree by Thomas Hardy
Looked fun.


The Waste Land and other poems by T.S. Elliot
T.S. Elliot is amazing. The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock is one of my favorite poems ever. I think I've shared it here. Choruses from The Rock is also remarkably insightful into modern society.


Krazy & Ignatz by George Herriman
Comics can't get any more whimsical than Krazy Kat. The art is beautiful too.

Novel Stats

Pages re-written: 3 today 31 total

Inspirations: C.S. Lewis Emily Bronte, Kate Rusby, Stephen King.

New lines I like:
Lilith was old. It was never more apparent then now, holding this shuddering child, so alive and confused with heartbeats, tears, remorse and anger. It occurred to her that she had once wept like this, how many centuries ago? But that was before her soul died, leaving a body behind that would not. In the midst of her reflection, she began to feel silly for having put on lipstick.

Still holding Penelope, she reached for a cloth next to the bed and wiped the makeup from her lips. Then she cleared some of the tears and mucus from the girl’s face. When she’d done so she wished she hadn’t. At least one person could mourn for the fallen in New Camelot. Penelope’s face, so dirty with emotion, was quite lovely in a way.

***********************************************

It's interesting how wordy my first draft is. Editing it is like hacking through a jungle of paragraphs; get these weeds out of the way, I'm trying to get somewhere.

It's incredibly beautiful in Grass Valley these days. Everything is green and fresh. I love my town.

Novel Stats

Pages re-written: 3 today 31 total

Inspirations: C.S. Lewis Emily Bronte, Kate Rusby, Stephen King.

New lines I like:
Lilith watched Fin through the window as he trudged away. His movements were so methodical and determined, so manlike – even in his walk. The foolishness that usually came with his age had passed him by without lingering and it was a pity, she thought. The years to come would be hard for Fin.
***********************************************

So tired... It's been a long day. I'm just managing to finish this blog post before seriously crashing. Good night.

i carry your heart

Recently I saw an okay movie that featured this very cool poem, unfortunately read by Cameron Diaz. Nonetheless, it's quite beautiful.

i carry your heart with me
(i carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate
(for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are
whatever a moon has always meant and
whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root
and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than
soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder
that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart
(i carry it in my heart)

~ e.e. cummings

Novel Stats

Pages re-written: 4 today 28 total

Inspirations: C.S. Lewis Emily Bronte, Kate Rusby, Stephen King.

New lines I like:
Sharp, clear air stung in Fin’s nose and chest as he made his way home. Birds gossiped in the trees and the sun felt warm on his neck. And yet, just ten miles away, thousands of corpses were already beginning to decay. The world disagreed with itself, Fin thought: It wanted to be ugly and lovely at the same time.
***********************************************

Some nights writing is very fun; each paragraph comes out better than you anticipated. Tonight was like that. Props to the muse for showing up.

My Softball team played its first game tonight. We lost 12-17 but I had a good time. Simon, you were sorely missed. Especially since you looked like Barry Bonds the last time I saw you at batting practice.

I watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon last night and I honestly think it's one of the best movies ever made. It's in my top five, for sure. Romance-wise, it's one of those rare movies that - with one scene as an exception - is quite steamy without being titillating. I think Ziyi Zhang may be the most beautiful actress. Ever.

Novel Stats

Pages re-written: 4 today 28 total

Inspirations: C.S. Lewis Emily Bronte, Kate Rusby, Stephen King.

New lines I like:
Fin didn’t understand but he said nothing. He could see that the lady was troubled and he would let her speak when the words came.
***********************************************

I'd be much more productive this week if I wasn't so sick. I swear, this cold has a life of its own. It seems like it moving through my body just seeing how many places it can tweak until I kick it out. Pass the kleenex.

I don't know if anyone reading this blog watches Lost on ABC but man! what a great show. This season is really kicking into high gear.

My drawing...

Good news of the day: I just found out that I owe $4,000.00 less to the IRS than I thought I did. I'm taking Suzanne out for dinner! (At least once a year it pays to be poor and have a lot of kids.)

---

So I took a *sigh* Drawing Personality Test. These online personality tests have to be the ultimate waste of time but for some reason I enjoy them. Even though they're pretty much the equivalent of fortune cookies, saying things about you that are impossible to disagree with.

For example, my test told me:

1. You are driven and ambitious and tend to make radical moves to reach your goals.


2. You are a thoughtful and cautious person. You like to think about your method, seeking to pursue your goal in the most effective way.


3. You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.


4. You feel morose and are prone to lethargy.

Which, I guess, sort of right. Maybe. Pretty lame, if you ask me. Word to all the personality tests: if you ever give me these results, I'm taking off my hat to you:

1. You're a guy who writes YA fantasy in your spare time.


2. You're attracted to girls with gaps in their teeth.


3. You can play the guitar and the piano but failed at playing drums and the violin.


4. You snack on plain popcorn almost every day.

Now that's a personality test!

Here's the picture that I drew for my test.



What does your drawing say about YOU?

Novel Stats

Pages re-written: 5 today 22 total

Inspirations: C.S. Lewis Emily Bronte, Kate Rusby, Stephen King.

New lines I like:
Keeping his eyes averted, he climbed back into his chair. He would stay up all night, he decided; he would be ready at a moment’s notice with a helping hand. Then he fell asleep.
***********************************************

Sick today. I've been sick since Friday. Not fun. :-(

Going back over the first draft, I discovered that I used way too many words and took way too long to move the story along. Part of the reason was because I didn't know where the story was going. I was like that amazingly slow driver that you get stuck behind; the one who's trying to find that elusive address and has to go laboriously slooooow so he can check each house and street sign. That was me. I thought each driveway and side street might be my destination so I moved like a snail, checking each address digit and reading the street signs twice.

But now that I know where I'm going, I'm cruising right along.

Good movies that I've seen lately:

1. Flushed Away. Really, really, really funny. One of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. I was cracking up, at least. And clean as the top of a baby's head after bathtime.

2. Stranger Than Fiction. A nice movie. Sidenote: Have you notices how strangely movies portray writer-types?

3. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. Bloody amazing. I saw it a long time ago and thought I wouldn't like it as much on the second viewing. I liked it more. Simon, I'm talking to you, baby - you've got to watch this movie.

I had to drive to Sacramento today for a meeting. On the way home I got caught in a ferocious deluge of rain on I-80 and Hwy-49. I was praying that God would get me home safe and he did. Thanks, Lord.

Novel Stats (back again)

Daily Word Count: 450 today 28k total (out of a likely 60-80k)

Inspirations: Emily Bronte, Kate Rusby, Stephen King.

The good:
It was fully dark outside. The forest was dripping, tapping, alive with the rain. Lilith walked past him while he fumbled to light his lantern and stared in the dark. Fin couldn’t help but take her in; she looked big and wild as an oak to him – especially in the rain with her hair all wet.
***********************************************

Back to writing again. Work has been crazy. I remember when I started my own business I thought that I'd have more time to spend writing - Ha! At least I value my writing time more these days.